Mother's Day Reflection

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If you haven’t listened to my Mother’s Day podcast - listen here.

Every year on mother’s day I have to pause and reflect.  Being a mother has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I became a mother at the age of 17 and again at 29. After some experience, I can honestly say that there’s no book for this. Nobody has all the answers for parenting, no matter how well their kids turned out. It’s trial and error, fail and win, gains and setbacks. Through it all as a mother you have one job - to do the best you can.

I’ve been blessed to have two daughters, one 13 and the other, 2. I do my best to be a positive role model for them and I’m open with my struggles while still celebrating my victories because i want them to know early that balancing the two is what life is really made of. I’m also open because some of the struggles I had to endure I don’t want for them. Being a mother at 17 and raising two daughters without the benefit of a two-parent household were not my goals, but here we are. I don’t want either of my girls to go through the trauma of a teen pregnancy. I don’t want to see them struggle with self esteem issues and not feeling adequate or capable. But, the reality is, I can’t shield them from everything and there are some struggles they will experience that I can’t rescue them from. I let them know it’s ok not to be ok all the time and it’s fine to have a bad day when you’re not feeling it. What I will always do is support them. I will always show up. I will always care and be concerned with their well being. I will always encourage them to be their best self.

The truth is, I sometimes struggle with being celebrated on Mother’s Day because I really feel that mothering is my job and life’s purpose with Jade and Ryan. This year, I evaluated my usual approach and I realized it’s worth a whole hell of a lot of celebration. If you sit and really think about all the things you do as a parent you will amaze yourself. I have worked very hard to get to where I am in life, from a call center to pushing paper and now, several years into my career. I could’ve stopped and settled for less. I could’ve been a CNA working a job I have no passion for. I could’ve been resentful. But I persevered - all while being a mom. I put the oldest in private school. The youngest is in swim. I seamlessly manage, facilitate and coordinate the day to day with my schedule and theirs. I listen to Jade’s 8th grade drama and I watch Peppa Pig with Ryan. On top of that, I also do my best to maintain healthy co parenting relationships their fathers which can sometimes be a daunting task.

I’m not saying all this to give myself grace or make me look like mom of the year. I’m sharing it for those mother’s who don’t take time out from the everyday rigmarole to realize how powerful their job really is. Being a mother is the ultimate life coaching plan. There's meaning, there’s depth and there’s lessons. There’s so many things about myself that I’ve learned form the tests and trials of being a mom that I wouldn’t have learned any other way. God’s plan. If I didn’t have Jade I wouldn’t understand what unconditional love is (because teenagers) and if I didn’t have Ryan I wouldn’t know about patience. Lessons, y’all. These girls have changed the way I do life and we continue to evolve together.

I absolutely went overboard treating myself to Mother’s Day pleasantries. Because, why not?! I bought myself a bag, a watch play, went on a trip all in the name of being a mom. A whole 48 hours without Peppa Pig, didn’t think I could do it. We’re all worthy and deserving of good things. If we don’t treat ourselves like we’re a gift, how can we expect anyone else to? I’ve seen the light and the Tory Burch bag. I will be treating myself way more often and you should too!

So happy mother’s day to all the moms out there. Speak positive things over the mothers and mother figures in your life. Keep those who don’t treat their kids properly in your thoughts and prayers and also remember those who wish to be mothers and can’t. My heart goes out to every woman who’s suffered a loss, dealt with a preemie, got through postpartum depression and, of course, to all the single moms who do it all with no support. We are tribe and we will not fail.

Your FAVORITE baby mama,

DA

Domonique Abner